Thursday, June 20, 2013

Happy Anniversary My Dear

When your life makes it hard to believe in anything, it seems silly to believe in fate. It seems like a silly idea built on hope, and desperation. Yet, I can find no other reason why we ever met, or no other reason why we’re still together. Neither of us could have imagined we would meet someone special on some random silly website. I had even forgotten I was ever a part of that website. Even then, it probably should not have been. We were miles away, you were a city a girl, and I was a country boy. Your life was taking you in so many different emotional directions from the one before me. I was just lost in life. We were as likely to never even know the other existed as we were to end up as we are now. And yet, as ridiculous as it sounds, I knew the very moment I saw you that we would be together forever or I would end up the troublemaking redneck I always imagined I would be.

It still amazes me, the weird road we traveled in that first year and how we managed to navigate it to the point where we actually had a relationship.  We put countless miles on our cars, we ate too much restaurant food, we did ridiculous things for… well… love. If not for love–I don’t know what…Perhaps a mental illness of some sort.  I had just left a life, I thought I was doomed to live forever,  to be in world of confusion, and moved back to a place I hated.  You were just coming out of a crazy relationship and heartbreak of your own. Nothing seemed right.... Except those long Friday nights either of us spent driving up I-75/85, through the darkness in the boondocks, anticipating the moment we were together again. Those were the first times in my life I felt right, felt whole, and knew this was exactly where I wanted to be forever. Driving too fast through midtown Atlanta, Spaghetti Junction, stopping at Quik-Trip for a hotdog and a soda, and finally into the only place that made me happy. You driving to my house in the middle of nowhere, 20 miles away from anything. If I didn't believe in love before that, I was sold then. It didn't matter to us if you had to work the next day. It didn't matter if you or I had to turn around and drive back the next day.  We did whatever it took… I’d like to think we would still do it today if we had to.

Most women would have never left home and moved into a new apartment 2 months into a relationship. Most women would have left me on the spot for not pulling out a ring and getting on one knee while proposing marriage. Most sane women would have never married a guy like me only after a year together. Most women would not have put up with everything you have endured with me. From my crazy parents, to my crazy history, my brother, my father, and not forgetting my harsh brutal honesty at times. But it’s been clear for so many years that you are not only unlike other women, you’re unlike most people.

No, you’re not perfect. You lose your mind when you get hungry and nobody will pick a restaurant, you occasionally go off in ways I don’t understand, and you don’t like steak or your food touching. These things notwithstanding, I can’t imagine myself traveling this admittedly odd path with anyone else. Even in your imperfections, I find beauty. Your passion for what you do, your patience, and your endurance to just keep going day after day are hard to fully comprehend. You have taken all of those things and used them to become the mother that every child wants. Our children are so lucky.

When we had kids, I thought it could drive us to be the people we made fun of and hated. I thought it might suck the air from our passion and our spontaneous “fly by the seat of our pants” life and make us dull. Instead, parenthood has only made me love you more–so much more that I sometimes feel like some middle school weirdo with a crush.

Nine years ago, I could not comprehend nine years of marriage, it seemed like an eternity. I could not imagine being in my mid-30's, a father of two kids, and in an odd job that keeps me at home with our kids and somehow still manages to pay the bills. On this day nine years ago, I was on a golf course with my father, playing the worst game of my life, wondering if I was even cut out for marriage. Less than twenty-four hours later, I was married to you and I was the happiest man I knew. I have remained that way from that day until now.

I don’t know what will happen in the next ten years. I know life has dealt us some good hands, some playable hands, and some hands we should have folded without even looking at the cards. I don’t know what the next 9, 20, or even 30 years holds. I don’t know what trials and tribulations, joys and pains, or problems we will have to endure. I only know this:

I would not believe in love if it were not for you. I would not be the man I am, I would not have the smile I have, or the 2 boys I love more than life itself…If not for you. No matter what life brings, as long as I have you…it’s nothing…

So Happy Anniversary my dear…Today is our day and hopefully, God willing,
we will have many, many more to come. I love you!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Happy 5th Birthday Little Man

5 Years...Wow how time flies. It seems just like yesterday you were just learning to walk and wearing footie pajamas. Now you are watching baseball and football games with me and arguing about bad calls with the TV just like I do.

 Let me start by saying how proud I am of you...

I am amazed at your ability to read and write as well as you do. I am proud of the fact all your teachers have nothing but good things to say about you. I am thankful for your unapologetic insistence that we all go to church on Sunday, even when daddy would rather stay home. I am thankful for the understanding of your role as big brother and I am touched when I see that it breaks your heart when your mom or myself has to point out when you are setting a bad example.

Perhaps most of all I am proud of the little man I see you becoming. I love how you are so interested in everything...Space, cooking, animals, insects, dinosaurs, cars, and perhaps most important, Jesus. It makes me proud when you would rather watch How It's Made than any episode of Spongebob or Scooby-Doo. I am in awe at how much you know about Star Wars at such a young age, and happily sit through the saga over and over and over...

I watch you and your brother interact all the time. The enormous size of your heart always makes me smile. You are always making sure your snack has enough for your brother as well, never eating that second Pop-Tart because that one belongs to Emerson. You are always willing to sit at the table and eat so that your brother will stay and eat, even when all you really want to do is watch TV. And, on the time when you get a little rough and hurt your brother, it breaks my heart to see how bad it makes you feel, but proud of you for being hurt.

You graduate Pre-School next week...With flying colors I might add. The amazement of the things you know from your teachers always makes me smile. You start big boy school in the fall when you begin Kindergarten. I want you to always keep that sense of wonder about you. I hope you are always searching and learning, finding new things that peak your interest. I know you will do well in Kindergarten. You will love your teachers and make new friends. You will attend birthdays and maybe even sleepovers...Yeah I don't know about the sleepovers...

Today is your day. Today is all about you. Today we mark you as one year older, and one year wiser. Today you step forward in this crazy thing called life and we as parents expect a little more from you. Clean room, less crying fits, more responsibility for your things and chores. I have no doubt you will embrace this and succeed just like you do everything else.

Everyday I find myself wanting to be more like you instead of wanting you to be more like me. And for that....I am proud of you son, and I love you to the moon and back. Happy birthday!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Letter to Emerson Duane aka "E-Rock"

Emerson Duane: AKA “E-Rock”

Here we are, 2 weeks away from your birth and I am just now writing you a letter. With Keaton I admit I had written a letter earlier, but who cares really? It’s inevitable, second children get left out sometimes. Your mother can relate, she was a second child as well. And while your Uncles Chris’s baby book was probably overflowing with extra pages of notes, pictures, and hair clippings; your mother’s baby book was mysteriously lost in a house fire, or so the story goes. Now that I think of it, I am not even sure if Keaton’s baby book was ever even opened. Ah…The joys of parenthood.

I can see your mother is not enjoying being pregnant quite as much this time around. She’s way more tired this time and exhausted all the time. Just know it is not your fault and she would happily do it all over again and again. We are both already so much in love with you and I’m probably a little more excited to meet you than I was with your older brother. This is one of the advantages of being second born. Of course, there are a lot of great things that first-born children get to experience with their first time parents, but the same thing goes for the second child. While it might seem redundant, it’s not, it’s just different. Your mother and I are very curious how you will compare with your older brother. How will you be similar? How will you be different? Who will you look like? We cannot wait to see these things take shape, as you both learn from each other. I cannot wait until March 15th and we throw on some Duane Allman and let you meet the world.

You were always in the back of our mind after Keaton was born. We always knew we would have at least 2 children but we were never sure if or when we would be ready. When I say ready I am simply referring to the stress and fear that comes with babies and children. Maybe someday you will experience this, and maybe you won’t, but one thing is for certain….you cannot quite understand until you are there…living this experience. Every heartbeat, every ultrasound, every doctor appointment…I was there with your mom holding her hand and sharing in the joy. It makes the journey a somewhat different experience. Keaton was even there for your 3d/4d ultrasounds.

Speaking of Keaton, I can’t wait for you to meet your big brother. Your mom and I try to talk to him and explain it, I’m not sure he really truly understands it, but there are times when he climbs up your mom’s lap, to give you a good night hug and kiss. He seems excited to be a big brother, and I think you both will be very close, as you should be. Family is the most important thing in this world. Your family is what comes first…Always. Never forget that son.

It’s been almost three years hanging out with your brother but when I think about the years coming up with both of you, I am totally in awe. I cannot wait to experience you as siblings, laughing, loving, fighting, plotting….I know it’s going to be hard at times but I think it’s going to be a lot of fun too. More than anything though, I want you to feel safe and loved. I want you to know that you and your brother’s happiness and well being trump mine and your mother’s. We have and will continue to make sacrifices so that you don’t have to. I’ll write you another letter after you are born. Just know that you are immensely loved by all. We have 2 short weeks to go. Your mother and I can’t wait to meet you. We all can’t wait to meet you.


Mommy, Daddy, and Keaton

Posted via email from Nick's Random Musings

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day Sucks Balls...

It’s official. Valentine’s Day has now passed New Year’s Eve as my least favorite holiday. Yup, I hate it more than Arbor Day, Bastille Day, Grandparents Day, Ash Wednesday-- whatever you got.

 I don’t really recall but years ago, around fourth and fifth grade, I imagine I loved Valentine’s Day. Why not? I was the chubby but good-looking kid who always received the most valentines from my female classmates. One year the teacher, for whatever reason, conducted his own private poll (he’d be arrested for this today, no doubt) and every girl in the class whispered in his ear that she had a crush on yours truly. And who could blame them? However, today, after being marrried, fat and happy, if a woman under the age of seventy smiles at me at the mall I practically skip all the way back to my house.  Sigh..... I’ll be right back…I'm going to go drown myself...

 OK, enough with the self-pity.... I think I might have enjoyed the holiday back before the spoilsport Christians wrapped their self-righteous fingers around it. In Ancient Rome February 14th was celebrated as a day to honor the god Juno. And the next day was the Feast of Lupercalia, when all the young women in town each got to draw the name of a young man to whom they would be “paired” for the duration of the festival, and it wasn’t for volleyball if you know what I mean.....For the slow....It was so they could get bucknasty and get their freak on, and that is what I call a holiday worth taking a personal day for!

 I’ve been uncomfortable for a while about our modern bogus celebration of love, but it really hit home last year at work as I watched woman after woman receive the flowers or candy or stuffed animals that were being delivered to the office in a constant stream throughout the day. You could tell the bell had rung, the gates were open and the race was on! And woe to the sorry-ass husband who didn’t at least finish in the Show position in this race, the ultimate competition to see who is truly “the most beloved.” Ugh...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

 The thing is the idea of Valentine’s Day is all right in its own way (though I’d still rather draw names and get some strange) but it’s become such a commercialized scam. I couldn’t go on living if I didn’t believe in my heart that there is a special super-white-hot circle of Hell (just above the one reserved for the Bin Laden family) waiting for those flower sellers who double or triple the price on a wilting bunch of flowers because they know that we, the husbands and boyfriends, and God help your wallet if you happen to be both, don’t have a choice.

 We do, of course, have a choice, but even I, the most stubborn asshole you’re ever likely to meet, seem powerless to fight this annoying holiday. Last year I caved at the last minute and found myself in a line at Kroger hurriedly forking over twenty clams for one of their few remaining limp and fading mittfuls of short stemmed roses. And hating myself for doing it. Ah, well in the end we will do whatever it takes to make our loved ones smile just a bit...

 Christian legend has it that St. Valentine, the clown credited with starting this hokum, was a priest who was imprisoned for performing outlawed marriage ceremonies around 270 AD. He would leave notes for that hot piece of ass, the jailer’s daughter, and sign them, “from Your Valentine.”  Then he was executed. Sucks for him...I hope he at least got a handjob in the corner or something before his execution...Otherwise the whole thing would seem kind of pointless wouldn't it?


Posted via email from Nick's Random Musings

Saturday, April 24, 2010


Thanks to my man Opie from The Opie and Anthony show for sharing this....Hilarious!!

Posted via email from Nick's Random Musings