Mindless Drivel - The Mind of an Idiotic Genius

He enters the only place to stay, a small bed and breakfast, lays a $100 bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the $100 bill and runs to pay his debt to the town butcher.

The Butcher takes the $100 bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig grower takes the $100 bill, and runs to pay his debt to the feed and seed.

The owner of the feed and seed takes the $100 bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt to the hotel proprietor, for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there, with the $100 bill.

The hotel proprietor then lays the $100 bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes downstairs.

After inspecting the rooms, he says that he did not like any of them, takes his $100 bill and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how the United States Government is doing business today.

Posted via web from Nicholas's posterous

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Roid' Rage!!!

Whenever steroids are mentioned, the only thing people talk about is how they ruin your body….. and make a bad example for kids to follow…..

(Cue Nagging Bitch Voice)

”Eat your vegetables…..work hard….You don’t need them they’ll only hurt you in the long run….I’m only saying this for your own good…”

What about this?... “Hey you bespectacled Harry Potter looking douche…shoot this in your ass for a couple of years and you’ll wind up in the Hall of Fame”….

I encourage steroid use....I Like to see home runs...What the fuck do I care if you sneeze in 20 years and pudding sloshes around your head??...Want that big baseball contract??....Shut your fucking face..... shoot enough juice to paralyze a horse…hit home runs and fuck alot of girls…Then… When you’re in your 40’s…You can worry about your dried up minuscule testicles…and it won’t matter if your sterile cause by that time you’ll fucking hate kids anyway….

And as far as them shrinking your nuts….Who cares?? What do big balls do for you anyway?? I mean for one there’s a greater chance of getting hit in them…two….you also increase the odds of sitting on them…and three…you don’t want them dripping in the water like a teabag when you’re dropping a deuce…

So make my balls as tiny as you can I say....I don’t care….I bet no balls would help my swimming…My dick would be acting like a rudder…none of that ball drag weighing me down…Hey dolphins got no balls and they swim fast as shit…Seems like a win-win to me....

So stop douching and start juicing..... you pussy....

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A Letter to Keaton Francis Gossett

Keaton or K.P. as I will undoubtedly call you,

Ever since your mom and I found out that you are going to come into our life, I cannot help but wonder what kind of a father I will be. Will I be the strict disciplinarian or will I opt for the cool dad persona? I've always been the cool guy in the room, the always joking guy and I am sure that will never change. I wanted to create a rule that says "If it's funny you're not in trouble." Your momma of course said "NO!"

I also wonder will I have enough to teach you? I have always deemed myself a smart man. I did some crazy things growing up with your late grandpa that I will tell you about when you are older. I want you to get 2 educations like I did; both street smarts and book smarts. I want you to never underestimate the good and bad in people, or in yourself either. I want you to read every book you can get your hands on. Reading can take you around the world and sail you to far off places without you ever leaving your chair. I hope you never strive for perfection because it does not exist, you can only do your best and give 110%, and that is all your mother and I will ever ask of you. Always remember that perfection is not attained at the point at which nothing can be added, but at the point at which nothing can be taken away. That will make more sense when you are older I promise. Will I live up to your expectations? I hope so, hell I hope I live up to my own expectations. I have no doubt there will be trying times for us both, but love for each other and the strength of this family can conquer many things. You keep family first and foremost always, nothing ever comes between us.

I guess I just wonder if I will be a good father. There are so many questions in my head. Sometimes I wonder if it is even normal to ask these questions. Do all fathers to be think about this stuff? I suspect the answer is yes, but somehow I cannot help but feel special asking all these questions as if they are being asked for the first time. This is what God must have felt before creating Adam and Eve. Which brings me to religion. Your mother is so much more religious and full of faith than your father will ever be. I will never question the existence of God and neither shall you. The path you choose to find him is up to you. Your mother and I can only point you in the right direction.

I do not expect to be the perfect father, like I said perfection is an illusion that does not exist. I have always said that “every parent gets an opportunity to mess up their kids in their own particular way”, this is certainly not out of any ill will, but no parent has ever been perfect, and I do not have some wild belief that I will miraculously be the first. Mistakes will always be made. Things unmeant will always be said, and hearts will somehow be broken. That is life son. You just have to dust off your blue jeans and hop back up on that bucking bronco and ride him out into the sunset, and never doubt that your mother and father love you more than anything in this world. We will always be here to protect you and help you however we can.

Keaton, the hopes and dreams your mother and I have for you are much bigger than we could ever imagine, but for you they will certainly seem to be just dumb or trivial ideas. You my son, will undoubtedly be more educated, more articulate, more traveled, more intellectual and ultimately a better man than I have ever been. I myself have accomplished far less in life but for you I wish the world and all you seek to find within it. I hope you follow your dreams, travel the world abroad and ultimately contribute all you can to society and help make this wonderful world a better place. I hope to teach you all I know, and encourage you to learn all I never did.

Your opinion of me will surely change as you grow up and go through your life ; from child to boy to ultimately a man and father. I imagine that you will love me as a child just as all children love their parents, but when you become a teenager you will surely rebel just as I did and call me un-cool and old fashioned. I am not worried or afraid of this period in your life, like many other phases this too will pass with time. However, do not ever think you are too big for daddy to spank that behind. Some of your greatest lessons will be learned from discipline. However, you will never here the line "This hurts me more than it hurts you..". That has yet to be proven even though your late grandpa told me that with every spanking I got from him.

I sometimes wonder what you will think of me as you have children of your own; Long after I die and I am no longer in your life. Will you remember me for times when you loved me or for times when you thought I was an ignorant old man from the backwoods Georgia country, just as I did my father? Will you consider me a good father or a bad one? Like every child does at some point, you will look back at your own life and see all the things I did wrong; and just like all the children that came before you did; you will surely vow not to make the same mistakes with your own children. On that particular day when you are ready to render a verdict on the fate of my memory, I can only hope you still possess this letter.

I love you more than you shall ever know,

Your Father

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's The Final Countdown.!.!.!

Friday, October 19, 2007

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me.....

When people hear the word stalker they only think of the suspicious man jerking-off in his car while he stares through your window, or the guy that's always sitting a little too close to the kids on the bench by the elementary school playground. I always say what about the huge ego boost he's going to be giving to some lucky lady?? Let's face it, women are always complaining about how fat they are and how hard it is to get a man to pay attention to them. You never acknowledge that some persistent guy, who has to get up for work in the morning no less, is spending valuable hours of his life salivating at the chance to cut off a lock of your hair, or possibly sniff your filthy, dirty undies.....

Give that stalker a chance and he'll treat you right. He obviously admires you and instead of slapping him with a restraining order, say "Hi!" and let him do your bidding....Need a ride to the airport?? He's your man! Need those rain gutters cleaned out?? He's your man!! Need the guy you're currently dating stabbed to death?? He's your man!!

All I'm saying is you can bet your ass if I had a stalker that creepy bitch would be washing my truck once or twice a week and taking care of my dirty laundry......See that's the problem with women they only want a man that's stable, or a productive member of society.....who isn't going to flip out or try to fuck their sister....or masturbate into their hairbrush.....I mean at least when you're being stalked you know someone is watching over you..The added bonus is if you happened to get attacked or raped you can rest easy knowing your stalker is right around the corner to come and break it up....

So ladies don't be so quick to turn that creepy guy away, stalkers are people too....

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Who's Your Daddy?

Well it's official my wife is pregnant. As of today she is 5 weeks and 2 days along, I guess is the correct terminology. After a year of "trying", some decent sized medical bills from testing, and alot of praying it finally happened. I say "trying" simply because the very first time we went the hole nine using an ovulation predictor kit, which nailed down the perfect time to get busy, we got pregnant. It makes all the money spent for medical bills, because we all know Insurance companies do not cover anything that is or could be related to infertility, seem like a waste. However, I also feel like we both needed to go through that to truly appreciate the bundle of joy we now have.

I never thought I could worry about something so much before in my life. Ever since the positive pregnancy test it's been sleepless nights, phone calls every morning making sure she's ok, asking if she's craving something particular I could get her, just on and on. It's not worrying about being a father, no-no that part is fine. I have waited to be a father for quite awhile. It's the worry of your baby's health and well being. The worry of making it past the first trimester, or at least to the first ultrasound that you can hear the heart-beat. You know then that odds are on your side that everything else is going to be alright. It's the worry of something which you have absolutely no control. I equate to being on a plane that is a downward spiral you know your going to crash and die and there's nothing you can do, now multiply that by 50. Ok, maybe not that bad but I do worry about it.

Everyone ask me "Are you excited?" As if I would say "No not really...." Sometimes I just want to stare at them with a blank look until they realize that the question was stupid at best. Not that I want to be an ass or anything but after the 50th person asks you the same stupid question it's annoying. The other good one I get is; "What are you going to name it?" This one is stupid for 2 reasons. One my wife is only 5 weeks pregnant, which means we have only known a few days. Do you really thing the first thing we thought was "Oh honey we'll name him Theodore, or We'll name her Abigail"? Our first thought was "I'll meet you at the doctor's office Monday morning." Secondly, as referenced above, we have no clue of the sex. Sure we could settle on a name for a boy and a name for a girl, but lets face it, it's hard enough to come up with one name for one sex let alone two. So no we don't have names picked out.

So now comes the doctor's visits, the baby shower, the birthing classes and all that good stuff. We will have to register for gifts for a baby shower later on. I always hate that whole process. The whole tradition of picking out shit for other people to buy you. Most people would be ok with spending other people's money, but not me. I guess I just imagine the people going down the list trying to find the cheapest gift only to find that the cheapest one left is like $150. "Shit honey I told you we shouldn't have waited, we could have got them the Sailboat lamp but no now the only thing left is this $150 Diaper Genie!" Which usually means they go out on their own and get something you didn't ask for anyway. Which ultimately means you could have skipped the whole picking out shit you wanted step to begin with. They play the I know you didn't ask for it game......"Now I didn't see this on your list but I saw it and knew you just had to have it.....So I hope you like it!" Those words are almost a guarantee it was some piece of shit that was in the bargain bin at Baby Depot or a K-Mart that was closing the doors because of drive by's in the area.

The first ultra-sound is in 2 weeks. We get to hear the heart-beat and determine if we have twins. Good thing the room is dark I know I'll probably cry. It's my first child so you all can kiss my ass. Nothing wrong with crying for a good reason. I try to be all male chauvinistic but deep down I'm a pussy when it comes to that type of stuff. It's weird shit too like I didn't cry that much when my father passed but I cried like a baby watching "The Green Mile". I cried at my wedding too. Whatever I'm a pussy deal with it.

So I guess I'll have plenty to write about in the coming months. It's about damn time...shit you people have no idea how hard it is to try to write something; even as little as once a week. I could always do the easy thing and bash Britney, or the Falcons, or make fun of Kanye West and 50 Cent, but that takes no thought or creativity. Anyone could bash those no-talent ass clowns. So congratulations to me and my wife I hope you all stay tuned for the craziness that ensues as I go through the stages of pregnancy with her. It should be fun, check you guys later....I'm Out!

NG

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Being from Atlanta, I knew at some point I would address the Michael Vick issue, I just was not sure how I truly felt about everything. there seems to be a few different issues in people's perception of the situation.

Everyone keeps saying "The Public" has found him guilty and he hasn't even went to trial. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, the NFL did not ask him to stay away because they thought he was guilty. They asked him to stay away because he's a retarded son of a bitch. I apologize but, seriously when someone asks you "Will you be exonerated of all charges?" and the only answer you can come up with is "Maaan, NO COMMENT!" you are, by all definitions of the word a fucking idiot. Need further proof......

How about when Michael Vick makes millions a year, but he refuses to throw out $10 dollars worth of weed before getting on a plane? Now, I know people who make less than $500 a year but, trust me if it came down to jail or $10 worth of weed, the weed would have to go. Mike could afford all the weed he could smoke in a lifetime, yet he refused to part with it. Must have been some good shit.

Speaking of the above incident, as if not throwing it away was not dumb enough. He adds insult to injury and hides it in a damn water bottle that you know you can't take on the plane anyway....Again I say what a fucking idiot.

He flips the bird at fans, he defends Marcus, his even dumber brother, the list goes on and on. However, just when you think "OK it's football time again lets see what Vick does this year with a new coach", I flip on the TV and guess what?? Vick is indicted for fighting dogs......

If all the other actions were not enough to prove how stupid he is, it comes out that a multi-gazillionaire is fighting fucking dogs......For what?? I just do not understand..He had everything going for him, a great football career, tons of endorsement deals, plenty of money to do whatever it is that his heart desires, and he chose fighting dogs, once again all I can say is WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!

The more I thought about it I began to think what has Vick really done for the Falcons anyway?? Ok so he put fans in the stands, but the Falcons have never, let me repeat that NEVER EVER had 2 winning seasons back to back. Even with Vick in his prime and immaculate running style it just never happened. So again I ask what has he done for the Falcons but cause trouble and put us through more "rebuilding" years?

I sincerely hope the falcons have a winning season this year and Vick never gets to step foot on the field. They don't even have to make it to the playoffs just finish the season 9-7. Remind people that football is a team sport. It requires more than a quarter-back that can run fast and throw the ball 100 yards with a wrist flick.

As far as Vick's future goes, I could care less if he's innocent or guilty, it changes nothing of my opinion of him. If he was as innocent as he wants everyone to think he is then his name would have never been associated with fighting dogs or the people that participate in stupid shit like that

Bottom Line....FUCK MICHAEL VICK!!

Friday, July 27, 2007

I've Been A Bad, Bad Boy

I have a thing for Jo Frost aka "Super Nanny". I'm sorry but there's something about her take control attitude that makes me think she would be a wildcat in the bedroom. I mean look at her....

Does she not have the look of a woman you would love to have tie you up and spank your "little bum" as she would say. I'm sure she's hiding something nice and sexy lingerie wise under that "Proper" Nanny's Outfit. She's not a small woman either which means she could really give that bottom a good thrashing. I'm a big guy I could handle it. I could pull her hair and call her a dirty whore and spit in her face, ...........Oh no wait that's the wrong fantasy.... I could have her pull my hair and spit in my face and call me a bloody dirty bastard, all the while getting punished for being a bad, bad boy.

I will be a avid supporter of Super Nanny now, but only cause I get to watch the lovely Jo Frost command respect as only she can. I'll probably just sit and stare hoping for a good bownblouse or camera goof upskirt just cause I'm a perv. At the same time I'll be thinking of how she needs to put me in "Time Out" then start a little strip tease to Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher". She could swing her hair around all stripper style and pout those lips all sexy like. Then as soon as those glasses come off you'd know you were in for a bit of trouble. She would do that innocent nanny walk, massive rack just bouncing and bobbing in whatever sexy underwear she has on under the Nanny getup....Yeah Jo Frost I've been a bad boy and I think Super Nanny is the only cure.....

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

How Stupid Can You Be??

These are a sampling of news stories I ran accross online and wanted to share with you the stupidity that is our world......

It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

45-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn’t realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five- minute recess to compose himself.

Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your fucking head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, " - if I’d been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer’s asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from."

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" 2nd Person: "A little. What’s wrong?" 1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." 2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?" 1st Person: "It’s a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote ‘thingy,’" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries...it’s a long walk."

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I’m not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Old but New

If you followed me here from my Myspace Blog then some of my recent post probably look familiar and if you are a new reader then you probably don't know where the hell I'm going with this. Anyway, I moved over the old posts from my Myspace Blog to here in my new home for stupid random nonsense. They are in no particular order and all of them are here except the Life Altering; "My Father's Passing". I left it behind because I felt as though it would resemble a prolific step in my "moving on". So old readers feel free to take a stroll down memory lane and new readers experience where it all began........Either way I hope you all enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. Now kiss my ass I'm done being nice......

Nick

How To Piss Off Credit Card Companies and Get Away With It

Here's a little secret that might piss off credit card companies and potentially get them to stop harassing you with upwards of 20 credit card applications per week. Some people have known this for years, and since a fair amount of people will read this I feel that it's my duty and obligation to share this secret with you.

There are two types of junk mail that everyone gets: coupons for stupid bullshit that you don't want, and credit card applications for credit to buy stupid bullshit that you don't need. Here's how to take care of all your junk mail in one fell swoop: use the postage-paid envelope that credit card companies send you with their applications to send them the OTHER junk mail you receive. It's just that simple. Imagine the frustration of credit card companies when they have to spend millions of dollars every year on first-class postage just to open up an envelope and find Pizza Hut coupons inside. The envelopes are intended to be used for "BUSINESS REPLY MAIL," and so use them for their intended purpose. You're sending them valuable money-saving coupons which could mean big savings to credit card companies, and it makes good business sense to use them. Consider it a reply to their business proposition with a business proposition of your own: 35 cents off a large, one-topping pizza. In fact, they should be thanking you for giving them these money-saving opportunities. Or how about sending them credit card applications from other credit card companies? Be creative.

Not only will you be pissing off the credit card companies by wasting their time and money (since they have to spend time opening all your mail), but you'll also be pissing off all the other companies that send you junk mail: Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Burger King, Papa John's and endless AT&T and AOL "free trial" offers (although I do admit that the free trial CDs make great coasters). This is of course only true if the credit card companies don't have the business sense to use your valuable coupons, and if they did then everyone would be happy.

Consider it an added bonus for your efforts to frustrate the mafia-like credit card companies. They'll do anything short of giving you head to get you to join, and I'm sure they haven't thrown out that idea entirely (Star Trek fans rejoice). Canceling is a bitch because they always try to "cross-sell" when you call in, even when you call to terminate your service. Cross-selling is when credit card or phone companies try to sell you junk in addition to what you ordered because they're greedy assholes and want to charge you as much as they can with every transaction they make. Ever call in to order something over the phone and the representative tries to sell you a service that is "free for the first three months"? That's a cross-sell. They're trying to get you to sign up for some useless service that will be billed to your credit card long after you've forgotten to cancel after your "free" three month trial period. What a crock.

What more: every time you sign up for a credit card, the credit card company gives your name to telemarketers (unless they explicitly state that they don't). Telemarketers then call to sell you a service that the credit card companies pay them to sell to you. That's not even the worst: phone companies sell you services to block telemarketers, then they bypass their own filters to have telemarketers call you to sell you more products from the same company.

So it's time to grow a pair and fight back. If you've ever been annoyed with their junk mail, send it back to them with some junk mail of your own. What can the credit card companies do? They only have two options:

1. Stop sending postage paid envelopes--unlikely since they know they'll lose a lot of applications if people are expected to pay for their own postage.

2. Stop harassing you with an endless flow of credit card applications.

They can't do anything about it because this is simply your way of telling them you're not interested, and giving them valuable coupons that could save them a lot of money, so spread the word: junk the junk.

Executives Are Bullshit Artists

Are you an executive? Do people follow you around and kiss your ass all day long? If so, then chances are that you're pretty good at bullshitting. Bullshitting is the act of putting on the appearance that you know what you're talking about. I do it, you do it, everyone does it. Executives just happen to do it very well.

Everyone at one point in their lives will work for an asshole. It's inevitable. Where do they come from? These sages of bullshit, weilding uncanny powers to deceive and exaggerate? From college of course!

Throughout grade school you may have noticed several distinct categories of people. There are always head-up-their-ass jocks, slutty cheer leaders, nerds, and drop outs. After high school, the jocks realize that they're completely worthless and decide to go to college to justify their existence. Once in college, they take all the bullshit classes like philosophy, english, accounting, and anything business related. Three years into college, they decide to get a business major, and graduate to become a manager somewhere. Rather than taking any classes in school that require more than a pulse to graduate, they take the easy route and get a BS degree in business (bullshit).

All the asshole jocks that gave you a hard time in school end up being your boss at work! To add insult to injury, they get paid ludicrous amounts of money to pretend to know what they're doing! They'll sit around with their thumbs up their asses in their huge offices, and give you absurd requests to accomplish the impossible, taking all the credit for it if it's good, and they'll still have the gall to bitch about it if it's not. They'll pick on you to feel better about themselves and they'll go home early every day. Every potential holiday is milked for all it's worth, giving them an excuse not to come in. All the while they preach bullshit about integrity in the work place and professionalism-- usually after going to a strip club for lunch.

When it comes down to results, they can bullshit like no other. Using obscure business jargon to make themselves sound intelligent during meetings. If you should catch them in one of their complex fabricated contradictions, they'll either call it a policy or deny it all together. Cowards. All of them. It's ironic how little any of them know about anything. If put into any other real-world scenario, they would die instantly. They have no skills, no natural talents. Nothing. Only the ability to bullshit and kiss ass... and sometimes that's all they need.

It truly doesn't matter what you're capable of, but who your friends are at work. How much work you do is inversely proportional to how big your salary is. The next time you're stuck at work in a stuffy office, forced to listen to some asshole rattle off meaningless bullshit, ask them this question: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Bulge your eyes and stand up for the best effect.

The room will grow quiet and everyone will look at him. He'll be directly put on the spot. He won't have anything to say. Then ask the people in the room "Does anyone really know what the hell's going on? All you people ever do is babble about meaningless bullshit and nothing ever gets done. You can't justify anything you've said, ever, and I'm not going to take this anymore." Then say "You're all full of shit. Admit it." Gradually, they'll all admit that their entire career is a sham and that they are completely worthless. Just once I'd like to hold up a sign during a meeting that says in big black letters "YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT. SIT DOWN." I can't believe how easily these bastards get away with it.. none of them know what they're talking about. NOBODY DOES. Worthless.

"Embrace diversity," and other bullshit phrases that don't mean anything.

Inside everyone, no matter how much of a dumbass they really are, is a built-in bullshit detector. The average person might not notice this because of the sheer magnitude of bullshit they have to put up with every day (ie, smug co-workers with a bloated sense of self-approval, Dr. Phil, , etc). That's why when you hear phrases like "embrace diversity" at work or school, you think nothing of it and go on with your mind-numbingly boring lives; although deep down part of you is saying "embrace diversity? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?"

It sounds like something you'd hear on the nagging bitch channel, Lifetime. I can picture a woman in a white gown with sun flowers in her hair saying this with doves flying around her singing the theme song to "Facts of Life," while a group of five or six kids run around spilling red fruit punch all over the carpet. It doesn't make sense.. it doesn't mean anything.

I went to the web site of some big bank that proudly states "WE EMBRACE DIVERSITY." Following the big obnoxious banner at the top of the page is a statement saying "[we] believe that we must engage a proactive, 'inclusive' process to source people of color and women, as well as Anglo men." People of color? What the hell is people of color, supposed to mean and why are they being singled out? This whole notion of "embracing diversity" is inherently bullshit because it's based on the following assumption: people who look different must think different because of it; otherwise, why the hell embrace anything? Why not just assume that diversity comes from within, regardless of their skin color, sex, age or religion? If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?

Just the sound of the phrase makes me mad.. "embrace diversity"... SCREW YOU. I'm tired of the bullshit phrases. "You win some, you lose some." No shit? "Never drive faster than your angels can fly." Shitty metaphor on a shitty bumper sticker on a shitty car. It doesn't mean ANYTHING. "I don't drive fast, I just fly low." GO TO HELL. "Save a tree, send an email." How about you save five seconds of my life and leave off the shitty quote from the bottom of your email so the internet isn't congested with your bullshit signature file instead? I've decided that from now on, every time I see the phrase "save a tree, send an email," I'm going to promptly crumple up a clean sheet of paper and throw it away, just out of spite.

Am I Angry at God??

As those of you who know me are aware, my father passed away nearly a month ago. I guess I am doing all right with the loss but I have lost sleep a few times, and I have not been as clear thinking or as productive with my work. Everyone I tell about my father mentions they will keep me in his or her prayers, or with God or something like that. Honestly, I cannot pray right now. I do not have words for God anymore. I have rejected so much Christian idealology throughout my life that it leaves me at a loss. I have not replaced the language of churches or The Bible with anything new. I am searching for words that ring true, but in the meantime, I have very few words at all to discuss the subject of God with.

My wife and grandmother (Nanny) seem upset when I say things like that. Nanny tells me that it is not a good thing not to be able to pray and I agree with that. I remember all the times when I was young and my grandmother would pray aloud with me. Nanny asks me sometimes why I cant pray. Are you mad at God? she asks me every now and again. It is often an annoying question.

Growing up in a broken home with drug and alcohol abusing parents, I have always seemed a little mad at God, at some time or another, and I know that it is okay to be mad at God. A good number of David's Psalms in The Bible are an expression of anger and confusion, and he is considered to be a Holy Man. I know it is natural to be angry with God when bad things happen, but I also know God does not plan for them to happen, so my anger is truly misplaced. I am not angry with God for taking my father away when he was so young. Hell I am not mad at him for me having to grow up the way I did. As an adult, I believe I am doing OK despite all of that. He (not that I think of God as male) did not plan any of my life or my parent's. Their individual choices are the reason for their actions and misfortunes. I am not angry that my mother had or has a drinking problem, and my fathers death was a direct result of the lifestyle he chose to live, day in and day out, and the carefree attitude he had for his health. His death was a complete shock and was devastating news. Everyday that goes by, I wish it would have never happened, but it did, and regretting that fact or remembering bad times and shit you should have and could have done but didnt, will not change anything.

I realized a few days ago, that I AM mad and not necessarily at God. I have been mad for a while. I am not sure that I can articulate the exact reason or all the reasons for my anger. Anyone who talks to me can guess that I am angry at conservative churches and stupid people. I am angry at their narrow, judgmental view of the world and the other people in it. I am angry at their failure to love their neighbors, the world. I am angry that I have a hard time with a $1200 mortgage, meanwhile they build 5 Million dollar cathedrals. However, the Bible says that the way is narrow, so they are simply following the way set out for them. Ultimately, that is where I start getting angry with more than simply the churches or hypocritical do-gooders. I am angry with the Bible for being flawed and easily misunderstood. I am angry with God for leaving me isolated in my understanding of the Bible and of him. Why are there so few people for me to agree with? Why do I have to be without a spiritual community?

I remember reading a quote by C S Lewis, or at least I believe it was C S Lewis, that said The idea is that you do not pray so that you can change Gods mind, but you pray so that He can change yours. That makes a lot more sense than asking God for things all the time. God is always moving, always creating beauty in the world. What we need to do is open our eyes to see that beauty and understand it for what it is.

When I first started rejecting Christian ideology, I thought that I would be okay, because even when I got to the point that I did not have the language to speak to God, I would be able to listen. Praying so that God can change your mind requires listening, and I am not sure if I am actually prepared to do that either, right now. The religious people reading this are probably asking, Well, what do you have in your life that is coming between you and God? From a religious standpoint, I have a good lifestyle. I am not attending church or reading my Bible, but I am also not drinking a lot, sleeping with anyone besides my wife, or doing any other obvious sin. I spend my time either working or trying to love the people in my life that I am closest to. Sin as a verb is not really interfering between God and me or me and anything else for that matter. Anger and confusion are there, but not sin.

Look, I understand you do not pray because you expect things like winning the lottery, or because things are bad, or for any other reason other than, God asked you to do it. That is the main reason. All the other reasons may be important, but THE reason, if you want one, is that we are asked to do it.

As for sin, it literally means 'missing the mark', and if you put it like that, it removes a lot of cultural and judgmental bullshit that has surrounded the word 'sin'. We are all missing the mark, everyday, so I do not think it is a question of having a sin or anything else in your life that is coming between you and God. We are always screwing up. That is ok though, because I feel like the important thing is getting up every day, and trying to do a bit better. And I know in my life that its ok if there are times where I just cant pray, I dont think theres anything wrong with that. I think God and me have an understanding. I know he is there and he knows I am here. He also knows I will get beyond that point one day and have a beautiful, meaningful, and understanding relationship with him, but for now, it is OK with both of us that I am where I am, and that is that.

I do not really worry about not being able to talk to God everyday, I mean we are talking about God, who knows all languages, your true heart, and knew you before you were born and on and on. I have the notion that many prayers are nonverbal anyway. Lets be honest you do not get a much stronger message than that of mournful tears. I believe the important thing is that you are always willing to come back and try to communicate and establish that relationship with God again.

Truth is I do not need a reason to be mad at God, I have much more than my father and mother ever did and I am half their age. I make a decent salary, I have a wife that loves me more than life itself, and I love her more than that. I am in the gym and everyday I am getting in the best shape I have ever been in my life. So the question still begs, Why am I angry?? The truthful answer is I dont know. Sure I blame it on the idiots and self righteous people of the world but in reality it isnt them either. I really dont know why Im angry sometimes then again maybe I'm not angry at all, maybe I am just simply your average, everyday Idiotic Genius.

Till words rack my brain again, Im Out!!

How I Am Doing

I have not posted a blog in a long, long time. Truth is I have been extremely busy. I know people say that a lot, and do not really mean it, but it is true for me. I am in the middle of selling my house to move closer to where I work. That coupled with working 12 hours a day and spending 2 or more in the gym, after work, 4 days a week, does not leave a lot of time for writing the awesome blogs that Myspace deserves.

I decided instead of the funny, comical or insane blogs I have posted in the past I would post about my life as of right now, how do I feel in this moment. Because, that is what is true for most people. If you have to think about it too hard, then most of the time it isnt true and you guys deserve my true feelings and emotions, otherwise why am I doing this?

First, my second wedding anniversary was June 20. Wow, 2 years! It really does not seem like it has been that long. I guess that is what happens when you find someone that completes you like Phaedra does me. My father always said we compliment each other very well. That she strengthens all my weaknesses, and I show her a little bit of life in a different light, and sometimes thats all it takes to change each others world. My father always had weird wisdom but when you least expect it, it would suddenly make sense.

Speaking of my father, I am doing a lot better with dealing with the loss now. My brother is too, hell we can laugh and talk about him again without tearing up. I still have my moments where the emotion is so overwhelming that I have to cry a little, but that's just dad's little way of picking on my tender heart. I miss him a lot but as he would always say "It is what it is" pick up and move on. Then he would break into a horrible rendition of "Aint Nobody Gonna Break My Stride" and do his patented Gossett shuffle. Ah, those were the Good Ol Days.

Speaking of my brother, he graduated this year. Something not a lot of people on my father's side of the family were known for. I am so proud of the man he is becoming. We both grew up hard but in many ways, he had it worse than I did. Yet, he still did what he needed to do. Sure, he has a lot of growing up to do but, shit I did not wake up and stop being stupid until I was damn near 20 years old. Therefore, I have no room to say anything, except that I will always be there for him. No matter what, he is my number one dogg and nothing or no one will ever change that. We are closer than any 2 people could ever be. We have the same Unity Cross tattooed on the same arm to signify the unity of us as brothers and family. It will be that way forever. If you are reading this Fat Cat, I love ya boy.

Now about my wife, It's funny because people always say when you meet the right person you'll know it, and I'm here to tell you that is as true as the day is long. However, what they do not tell you is that the person will not always feel the same way. When we first met she had just came out of a really bad relationship. And myself? Well lets just say I had just woken up from a "really bad dream about life". So when we first met and decided to begin dating she was really hesitant to call me her boyfriend or even acknowledge the fact we were dating. Never mind the 3-hour trip she was making just to see yours truly. So when a job came up at the place her brother worked she insisted that I apply for it. Which I did, and I am still working at that same company.

Anyway, the next thing I know we are looking at apartments and moving in together. It was weird because it was so fast but it felt like the perfect thing to do. The same happened with getting married. It was Valentines Day of 2004, we started talking about getting married, and before we knew it, we were looking at rings. It was as if supernatural forces were pushing us into the jewelry store. I even knew the manager and got us a great deal on a ring. Now I know this is not the romantic When Jaws pops out of the water or down on one knee proposal but hey it is what it is. And in the end it worked out pretty good.

Now 2 years of being married have gone by and not much has changed. We are looking for our second house and selling our first. We are getting in the position to start a family and that, my friends, is cool. I cannot wait to be a daddy. I think I would be a great father. I am 26 now so I guess I need to hurry up before I end up too old to enjoy life with my kids when they are my age.

Ok, I am done rambling. I just wanted to throw a blog together that shined a little light on how I am doing in this Rat Race we call Life. So in closing I just want to say, to my wife and brother and the rest of my family, I love you all very much. You all helped through what I knew would be the worst day of my life, and that will always mean the world to me.

To Pops, I know you can hear me up there. Put the golf club down , and listen. You are still my dogg and I miss you everyday. You will never be forgotten, and my kids and my kid's kids, will always know who you are and how much of an impact you had on those around you. You always had the ability to make us smile no matter the situation, and I see you passed that duty on to Nyles. Because, all he does is make us laugh but then again you know how crazy we are. We Love ya Pops and we will forever miss you. May you always be in our hearts, minds, and prayers. Until we meet on the other side, You take care of things up there and we will take care of things down here. I love ya Pops.

Until words rack my brain again, Im out!

Nick

A Poem That I Had to Get Out

DAMN I HOPE I'M READY

Am I ready for this, This answer I may never know.

She smiles gently as I wonder "Does my worry show?"

I've always wanted to be a father, pretty much all my life....

Picture perfect kids and the picture perfect wife......

But when is life ever perfect, or even remotely close?

Most times, it is tugging at your happiness with its daily potent dose.

That's not to say my life is sad, but that's just the way it is....

When you've just spread you father's ashes, it's hard to think of kids

God I wonder why you're gone, or Was I in you final thought?

Did you know how much I loved you and all things you taught?

Do you know how much I miss you each and every day.

That you're the only reason I speak to God, hoping you can hear me
when I pray

I hope you know I never meant to break your heart, or make you feel unloved..

I only tried to help you see the light, and give you that gentle shove....

If I would have known those days, the things I feel right now....

I want to say I would have handled it differently, although I'm not sure how...

My brother is growing up so fast and quick, it's such a sight to see

Although he often smiles alot, but I know deep down he hurts just like me

I'm just as angry as I am sad about your death, I want you to understand...

That not hearing from you for quite some time was never part of the plan...

You were my father, my only friend on whom I could depend....

No speaking to you for months, only a shocking phone call to tell me that is the end....

It's not fair to me, Brandy or Nyles that you just left us here that way....

Though I will move on and live my life, I will never forget that lonely day...

So am I ready to be a father and raise my own little man....

To grow and look up to me as only your children can...

To teach him all the things you taught me, mostly right from wrong....

And tell him all about his late grandpa, while a rock him all night long...

Tell him how you ruined your life and wasted it just for us to see.....

That living that way is self destructive, and not the way to be...

I promise you dad I will love him just as much as you loved us...

I'll teach him how to speak eloquently and tell him to never cuss..

I will show him no amount of wealth or smart can ever make a man....

That hard work and sacrifice is the only fail proof plan

I'll read him stories at night, and make sure he talks to God

And when he finally gets old enough I'll help him build his first Hot-Rod..

And although you won't be here to see it, I know you'll be close-by...

I will sometimes look up and wave, and wipe a tear from beneath my eye....

So, I'm ready dad, to raise this child and be a man like you.....

I promise to do all the things I never saw you do....

I promise not to drink all night or shoot any dope into my arm....

I promise not to let him cry at night wondering where I am, or if I am in any harm....

I promise not to let months go by and he never get a call

I promise to be nothing like you, not a little, not a bit, not at all

I thank you dad for teaching me how a father should never be...

I still love you more than life itself and now I finally see...

That all those nights when you went out and left us all alone....to go get high....

Were all to show us that the only thing you do in that evil world is.....DIE

I miss you Pop and I probably will for as long as I'm around....

I promise no matter what your memory will always be safe and sound

I am going to go now Pop, got to get prepared to be a dad, and a husband to my wife...

I will check in on you from time to time but right now, I have to go and live my life...

I am setting sail on rocky shores, but someday this ship will somehow steady....

And until that day comes all I can say is Damn I hope I'm ready....

Monday, August 31, 2009

DJ AM is Dead....Who Gives a Shit??

Friday, August 21, 2009

Economics...